[Effie_drine]

As some of you know, often those letters you read in Penthouse are sometimes unreal and who knows often if they are real or just figments of a writers imagination, so here is:

A Guide to the Penthouse Letters

Phrase: 17 year old Nursing Assistant
Truth: 70 year old Nurse

Ph: My manly body rippled with muscles
Tr: His effeminate body is covered with cellulite

Ph: My 12" Cock = 3"
Ph: My 11" Cock = 3½"
Ph: My 10" Cock = 4"
Ph: My 9" Cock = 4½"
Ph: My 8" Cock = 5"
Ph: My 7" Cock = 5½"
Ph: My 6" Cock = 6"

(6 inch sized used in Penthouse Letters only once in 30 years)

Ph: Waves of orgasm coarsed through her body
Tr: I faked an orgasm and fooled the schmuck once again!

Ph: I felt shivers as he tongued my clit
Tr: I farted as he bit me

Ph: My dick is 1" in diameter
Tr: My dick is 1" in diameter if you measure over the warts

Ph: Tiny muscles in my twat
Tr: Large strips of mutton like fat

Ph: I'm a handsome 20 year old
Tr: He's a geek with pimples

Ph: She likes sèx with women also
Tr: And horses, dogs, and donkeys

Ph: I exploded in her warm mouth
Tr: I have no bladder control

Ph: She was screaming loudly beneath me
Tr: My 500lbs belly was crushing her into the bedsprings

Ph: This is my first letter to this publication
Tr: This is my first letter since 7am this morning

Ph: My rock hard cock rammed against her throat
Tr: His weenie barely reached my teeth

Ph: I withdrew and exploded with major force
Tr: He pulled out and shit on the bed

[Rose]

............Funny!